Hello, all! My apologies on the delay here, I know I’m a couple days late. It was True/False weekend in Columbia (i.e. this super awesome documentary film festival), and I was volunteering all weekend, so I was a bit swamped. Needless to say, feast your eyes on the following gem of an individual:
Savannah Reed is out of this world (forgive me). She’s a strategic communication major at Mizzou and she bakes like nobody’s business. Formerly of Main Squeeze, she can make you healthy, tasty goodies anytime you want. She’s also potentially one of the funniest people I know. Enjoy.
1. What was the last picture you took with your phone?
Do screenshots count? If so, I took one of those infuriating accidental screenshots of my lock screen. If not, cat pictures. Dozens of cat pictures.
2. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?
No, but my mother has been pulled over enough times for the whole famn damily.
3. What’s your heritage?
I’m just your everyday white American mutt. If I wanted to be one of those people I could say that my paternal grandmother was [some significant fraction] Native American, but I do not want to be one of those people.
4. What was the last lie you told?
I’ll trade you my most recent lie for my most commonly told lie: “Oh sorry, I have a paper due at midnight.” = “I don’t want to hang out right now and I don’t know how to tell you, because I do like you but I need some alone time.”
5. What’s the weirdest prank you’ve ever done?
When I was in elementary school a kid who rode my bus [S/O Brian Anderson] asked me if girls wore diapers (he had recently seen an Always commercial for pads) and I was in the middle of a sweet My Chemical Romance track (You know that part in Cemetery Drive where it goes like “Waaaaaaaaaay downnnnnnnn?” That part.) so I didn’t want to talk to him so I said “Yeah.” Wait, what was the question? Okay so that’s not a prank but who knows how long it took him to figure out what pads were. Missouri Sex Ed is seriously lacking, y’all. FIN.
6. Do you trust anyone with your life?
I would trust my parents.
7. Describe the perfect pizza.
The perfect pizza is any pizza without pepperoni that comes with a side of my Lactaid pills. You know what? Fine, pepperoni can come too.
8. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
I’ll be honest; my first thought was the f word. I don’t do “waking up” very well and my alarm was especially loud today.
9. You discover that your wonderful one year old child is because of a mix up at the hospital and not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to correct the mistake?
No, any offspring of mine is likely to be a little hellchild. I’ll keep the wonderful mystery infant. Plus I’d probably be pretty attached to it by that point.
10. Would you be willing to lie to a court for a close friend if it meant saving your friend from going to prison for life?
Well, that would depend on the friend, the lie, and the crime. If you asked me to say you did NOT jaywalk (in some dystopian society where jaywalking is the worst felony one can commit [“Jaywalkia” starring Shailene Woodley and Miles Teller in theaters this Fall]) then yes, of course. If you murdered someone I would like some context first, please. Oh, that kid who always talks in every class? Yeah cool I’ll lie for you.
11. Would you be willing to eat a bowl of crickets for money?
Are the crickets alive? How are the crickets prepared? Legs on or off? Can I have a side of rice? Wait, first, how much money?
12. If you could have anyone locked in a room so you could torment them for a day, whom would you choose and how would you torment them?
I would choose me and I would take a day-long nap followed by an herbal tea tasting. Whoa boy, I would be so tormented. Like, wow. I would never recover. How long can I have this room?
13. If you could be any age for a week, what age would you be?
I would be the age I am right now, and I would relive this week. It’s been a really good week.
14. Who was the last person you sang to and what did you sing?
I sing to the cat all the time. She has a theme: “Guess who’s cat cat cat / Cat again n n / you’re a cat cat cat / you’re my friend friend friend. Guess who’s cat, guess who’s cat, guess who’s cat, guess who’s caaaaaat. / Meowmeowmeow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meowmeowmeow…(fade out).”
15. What question do you hate being asked?
I hate publicly being asked any variant of “Are you okay?” Usually the answer is yes, and then I’m self-conscious about my unokay-looking facial expression. And on the off chance the answer is no, I probably don’t want to talk about it. If I look upset about something just give me a food and tell me I’m pretty.
16. If you could have only one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A bowl of Tom Kha soup to start, some kanom jeib, pad thai, throw in a chocolate chip waffle for kicks, an egg in a basket, hummus and pita, ooh and a Mediterranean flatbread for sure. Also an orange. Also coffee please. Oh and a pumpkin muffin top from Bread Co. Ooh and frozen key lime pie. Crap, that’s too many things. Just the pad thai. No, just the dumplings. Wait. Yeah, the dumplings. Wait.
17. How do you start a conversation?
With whom? Friend? “Yo.” Stranger? “Excuse me!” Person of Sexual Interest: “…*smile*”
18. If you had a brainwashing machine who would you use it on?
I would form a Sav-worshipping throng of overachieving J-School children to fuel a propaganda machine to support my reign (until Google buys me out).
19. Have you ever eaten a crayon? What’s the strangest thing you’ve eaten?
I don’t think so! But I have eaten too much Vegemite in one bite, and I would prefer to eat a 64 Pack (with sharpener in the back) rather than go through that again.
20. Are you still learning who you are?
Definitely. Hopefully I never stop.
21. What’re you afraid of?
I’m afraid of failing, I’m afraid I’m not suited for my chosen career path, I’m afraid of my parents feeling disappointed in me. Also: bedbugs. How much would that suck?
22. Do you dance?
I do not dance. I can jump around in a circle of people with the best of ’em, but I do not dance.
23. What’s the weirdest thing about you?
I can’t put that in writing, Shelby.
24. What’s the most normal thing about you?
I don’t get enough sleep.
25. What are your thoughts on honesty?
Ooph. In theory, honesty is good. In reality, sometimes it’s better to omit details or keep quiet. Also, I’ve noticed that anyone who overemphasizes their honesty or describes them-self as always truthful, or, say, has a tattoo of the word “Veritas,” is an asshole. Honesty can be hurtful too.
26. What do you want your tombstone to say?
“Here lies Savannah Reed. She never took a bathroom mirror selfie, not even in junior high.”
27. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
If you ask me more than three clarifying questions during a movie the first time we’re both seeing it, I will commit an act so cartoonishly violent your undertaker will giggle when he tells your parents that you’re going to need a closed casket. JUST PAY ATTENTION. LOOK FOR CONTEXT CLUES. CONSIDER THAT MAYBE WE AREN’T MEANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER YET. YES THAT IS THE GUY FROM THAT THING; FUNNY HOW HE’S IN THIS MOVIE TOO, ISN’T IT? ARRHGFJSHGISEBGKJGKSKJSDKJD!!!!1!
28. What feels like love to you?
I assume you mean romantic love? You know, I’m not too sure anymore. But I have memories of love, so I’m going off of those.
29. What’s a skill you’d like to learn and why?
I would love to learn sign language, piano, and how to French braid my own damn hair. (I know I only get partial credit for this one but I think the whys of each of these are pretty bland. Because I want to, damnit.)
30. How would your friends describe you?
Can I phone a friend?
Stay wired for next week’s featured person.