The Questions Project: Spencer Wilson

Spencer Wilson is a senior (!!!) at Mizzou. He’s a broadcast journalism major minoring in meteorology and atmospheric science, and is one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. He never fails to make me laugh. He’s graduating in May, and we’re all really sad about it.

You can find him expertly longboarding around campus. But really, he’s one of the few who can *actually* longboard.

1. What was the last picture you took with your phone?
Oh my. Well it was actually my computer screen, with me playing a video game on it. I was playing an Internet card game and I did a really cool play and this is making me sound like a huge f—ing nerd. Such is my life. But I sent it to my roommates and they all cheered.

Photo by Spencer Wilson.

Photo by Spencer Wilson.

2. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?
Several times actually. In Littleton, my hometown, the cops have nothing better to do than pull over teenagers for silly things. So I’ve been pulled over for: speeding, incomplete stop, not wearing a seatbelt, turning left at a “no turn left” sign (on campus in Missouri) and finally, gang symbols, which I got because my friend was holding a pair of pj’s attached to a yard stick out the window. Some of those were very warranted (seatbelt) some were not (gang sign).

3. What’s your heritage?
I’m 50% Italian, 40% German and 10% Chuckleselvackian [Czechoslovakian].

4. What was the last lie you told?
I told someone that her puppy was cute. Don’t get me started on this but I swear people get puppies in college simply to post about them on the Internet.

5. What’s the weirdest prank you’ve ever done?
I got polymer balls and hid them in my P.A.’s (R.A.) bed. He didn’t think it was funny.

6. Do you trust anyone with your life?
I honestly trust several people with my life! Most health professionals, a few of my friends, my parents (they raised me for Christ sake), my sister.

7. Describe the perfect pizza.
Well I just ate pizza so I’m not super jazzed about it right now. But! That being said, It’s gotta have sausage, cheese that isn’t congealed, soft, but not chewy bread, and enough sauce that it’s not dry, but not overwhelming. Also, mountain crust is a must. Or, better yet, half cheese in bread, half mountain crust. (For you uncultured folk, mountain crust is a Beou Jo’s specialty: you eat the whole pizza and then put honey on the crust for dessert.)

8. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
“Lord I slept so long, but I’m still so tired.” I can’t wait until my youthful energy goes away and then I’ll have a real reason to whine.

9. You discover that your wonderful one year old child is because of a mix up at the hospital and not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to correct the mistake?
Yes. Here is the thing, I hate babies to start from, and one of the biggest draws to me about having a kid is that it’s half my genetics. Call that narcissistic, but I want the thing I made, not what other people made. I can adopt if I want a rando-baby. Which I don’t really, not my thing.

10. Would you be willing to lie to a court for a close friend if it meant saving your friend from going to prison for life?
Seriously depends on if they deserve it. If my friend committed the crime, no, and I would expect the same for me. But if they are getting boned and my lie could even the dirty playing field, yeah all right.

11. Would you be willing to eat a bowl of crickets for money?
Yeah, I wouldn’t be tough about it, but I was learning today that crickets are way more efficient than cows as a food source. I bet we all start eating crickets, just prepared so it’s not obviously bugs with little insect legs sticking out.

12. If you could have anyone locked in a room so you could torment them for a day, whom would you choose and how would you torment them?
Oh wow Shelbs, getting scary with this one. I don’t know, there is no really obvious answer for me on this one, it’s not something I usually think about. I feel like if I don’t trap someone REALLY evil, I’ll be wasting it, but I don’t personally know anyone REALLY evil. The latest people everyone loves to hate are like Kim Jong Un and Putan, but I don’t know what I would do to them. Or like, hard-core rapists and just incapacitate them and then let their “rape-ie” do whatever and close the door. But I don’t know if I’m facilitating revenge then! Which I (although I like to pretend differently) do not support. Long story short, I don’t know. The bear from Barney in the camping special that scared me when I was little. I would light him on fire. There, you happy?

13. If you could be any age for a week, what age would you be?
Assuming this is like go back to the time I was this and everything, I would go be 5 or 6. Young enough to still feel wonder and amazement, but not so young I can’t tell what’s happening.

14. Who was the last person you sang to and what did you sing?
Probably Courtney in the car, and I was probably singing along to “San Francisco” by the Mowglis. There are a few phrases I pick out in songs to sing in a different voice and I get to use the scary voice when they go “Do you feel the love?” “I feel the love!” Good stuff.

15. What question do you hate being asked?
Who cares? I get that a lot as a journalist. I care, damn it!! That’s why I brought it up!

16. If you could have only one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Potatoes. So many different variations, all delicious.

17. How do you start a conversation?
I figuratively pull it out of my ass. I have a direct pipeline from mouth to brain that just flows like a coursing river, with all the strength of a great typhoon.

18. If you had a brainwashing machine who would you use it on?
I would also use it on people who have like, anxiety issues. Any illness of the mind that I could simply convince them that their troubles are not there, which you can’t do on your own. And any potential employers. *wink wink*

19. Have you ever eaten a crayon? What’s the strangest thing you’ve eaten?
I have!! Well a little bit, not the whole thing. Wax isn’t yummy. Fun fact, I used to eat splenda packets like crazy: suck the artificial sugar out, than throw the paper wads around my house so they stuck. I feel so bad for my parents. My dad had to hide them from me so I would stop.

20. Are you still learning who you are?
Oh yeah, who isn’t? I call bullshit on anyone who answers yes to this.

21. What’re you afraid of?
Robotic Dinosaurs. There’s a long story about this but basically robot things on amusement rides scare the shit out of me. Also getting water in my eyes, I’m getting better but it still freaks me out, I got gasoline sprayed in my eyes when I was little. Woo! But if you were looking for a philosophical answer here, I would say regret. I’m never happy turning away from a road of opportunities for another one.

22. Do you dance?
I’d like to think I do, I have crazy womanly hip movements that everyone but myself is embarrassed by. But I like dancing.

23. What’s the weirdest thing about you?
That I’m more normal than I appear! Haha! Irony.

24. What’s the most normal thing about you?
That I’m just as weird as everyone else. BAM.

25. What are your thoughts on honesty?
Plentiful. I had a really big issue with honesty growing up, because my mom mostly. She taught me that lying could be nicer if they didn’t need to know the truth, and that you were rude if you were honest. So I was a very polite, dishonest person for a long time. I still lie, but I like to think I lie less often.

26. What do you want your tombstone to say?
I actually have this planned out. It’s going one of those huge ones with gargoyles on it and steps leading up to my tomb, which is above ground. It will shoot flames and the tombstone (which is in front of the actual tomb) is only going to say my name, date, and then have a little button beneath that that in very small words says “press here” so you have to lean in really close to press it and then you press it and the tomb stone lights up and you can see inside it and inside it my rotting face and scream audio files play. Its gonna be great.

27. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
People who don’t use their turn signals.

28. What feels like love to you?
Running and then speeding up and grinning really wide so I look crazy. Sounds dumb, but try it. But you have to let go of “What if people see me?!” It’s the moment that that wallflower book tried to replicate with the kids hanging out the skylight in the tunnel, but no they are wrong. That’s moved by a machine. Let your legs move you. Let the speed be your own, let the power come from within yourself. And smile because why the f— not, no one can stop you. Laugh as needed.

29. What’s a skill you’d like to learn and why?
I want to play the organ. Like if you can re-write my sim personality points and make me really good at organ playing, I’ll be a happy camper.

30. How would your friends describe you?
Flakey, goofy, caring. Sadly, that’s me in a nutshell. Maybe they would choose kinder words? Or worse words! Who knows? Well I guess they do.

A video of Spencer answering the video questions will be posted soon.

Coming next week: the lovely Veronica DeStefano.

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